physically fit to be tied…

I promised myself I’d finish my workout. I really hate it when I let myself down. Here I am, halfway through and ready to puke.

Give up?
Wait. No! I can do this. Don’t be a wimp.
But I am a wimp!
Well, then in that case.

And somehow I find myself transported from the gym to my living room, nursing my nausea on the couch while surfing Reddit, doing my best to avoid the NSFL(Not Safe For Life) photo threads that will obliterate my last line of defenses and send me hovering over the toilet for the next half-hour.

Okay, fifteen minutes into vegetable mode and the burning phlegm is beginning to settle. But I’m not quite ready to make any sudden moves. Are those hunger pangs or is my stomach just thoroughly confused? What kind of signal is it sending to my brain? This has to be some sort of gastrointestinal conspiracy at work. I wish my organs would stop arguing. Feuds between roommates rarely turn out well.

Okay, we’re at the thirty minute mark and I think I’m ready to tackle the stairs. If only I had invested in an elevator or kept a jet pack in the entryway closet, the idea of taking a shower wouldn’t be such a pipe dream.

You idiot, do you really want to stink up the place? Yeah, that’ll really make the wife happy.

Sigh. Okay. C’mon, you can do this. Up and at ’em! Ooh, that crack sounded bad. I can still feel my toes though. That’s a good sign! That’s a good sign. Alright, there’s the first step. Just lift one leg and keep the other on the ground. It’s not even that high!

Hooray! You made it to the top before nightfall! You definitely deserve some cake. With cookies on top. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream.

Let’s just turn on the water in the shower and peel off these sticky gym clothes. Success! And in you go! Aaaaahhhhh-sweet-merciful-God-I’m-never-leaving-this-place.


0 thoughts on “physically fit to be tied…

  1. Ha… At least you try to exercize. I just think about it.

    1. I don’t know what’s worse. Not exercising at all or doing great for a few months, only to find some excuse to stop and slack off again. It’s so painful (physically and mentally) trying to get back into the groove!

  2. Haha, I love the tone you’ve created here. I know this feeling all too well.

    I actually love working out (running, namely), but this captures that awful feeling when you’ve had a long day and just don’t want to. I broke my arm about a year ago and had to stop pretty much all exercise. The “burning phlegm” was constant for me as I tried to get my ass back into shape.

    I’d love to see some more nonfiction perspective pieces!

    1. Thanks Oliver! It was funny.. I sat down to write a short story about something completely different, but my mind decided this is what I should write about. Glad you enjoyed it. You’ll definitely see more things like this from me.

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